I fold into myself
bony elbows stabbing the soft flesh inside my knees
burying my hands in my dark hair,
I ball them into fists
my fingernails gouging half moons into my palms
salty rivulets burn streaks down my face
and splash onto the worn blue bathroom carpet
I gulp for air
in between the silent howls
that rack my body
and escape my trembling lips
Insistently, I press the heels of my hands
to my scalding eyes
seeking to dam the flow of water
My jagged breathing slows
I swallow hard
Spent and dizzy, I struggle to stand
Rinsing the evidence from my face
I steel myself for the outside world
prompt: This week I want you to conjure something. An object, a person, a feeling, a color, a season- whatever you like.
But don’t tell me what it is, conjure it.
Author’s Note: This was a scene from today, crystallized and conjured to let you in, to visualize what I look like when I’m in pain. It’s really scary to hit publish on this one, but it wanted to be written.
This is beautiful and haunting. You really did let me in to your pain and I can’t tell you how sorry I am this was you today. Giant hugs and love Frelle. I’m proud of you for hitting publish.
Thank you, Cristi. I appreciate the hugs, and I’m grateful that you think it’s beautiful.
I am so sorry that this was a piece of your day.
Hitting publish on this shows the steel and strength you have within you.
I’m sending you love.
Thank you for your encouragement and love, Tracie.
Your words vividly conjured the anguish and frustration you felt at the time. I’m sorry that this was something you went through. Thank you for your honesty.
Thank you for your willingness to give it a quick look before I hit publish last night, and for coming to comment, too. I’m grateful for your words this morning.
Bravo! A vivid glimpse of pain…
thank you for your compliment, and for coming to read and comment today!
That is a very vulnerable moment to share. And it hits close to home. We’ve all been there. Hugs to you, and here’s to a better day today.
Thank you for your sweet words and sharing that it’s relatable, and for coming to read and comment. I’ll be working to ensure it’s a better day
Wow, I feel for you. So vividly described. You are strong, woman!
-Julie
3MomsIn1.com
Thank you for your sweet words today. *HUG*
Really vivid. Love that first line
Thank you for the compliment, and for coming by to read and comment!
Pain sucks. A lot. This was a little too close to home for me, it was so vivid. And that pressing the heel of your hands to your eyes to try to dam the tears? Perfect. I do that too!
Pain does suck. Thanks for letting me know that the pressing moment is something we share, and for coming to read and comment today.
Haunting poetry is what this is.
You captured your pain and sadness perfectly.
(I’m so sorry.)
Thank you, Galit, not only for coming by to read and comment, but for promoting my post as well. I’m always grateful for your words.
This is so beautifully written. I could feel that pain eating and you, struggling to get out and then being forced back, erased. I’m glad you wrote it as a poem because it is so very well done, but I’m sorry it is a fresh pain. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for telling me what you could see and sense, I love hearing what my writing evokes, how it makes the reader feel. I appreciate your sweet words and am grateful for your friendship, too.
I love the part where you write about your elbows stabbing into your knees. I could picture this exact moment. So sorry something made you so upset, but I hope it helped to get it out in this way.
Thank you for reading and commenting, and letting me know that I drew a good word picture with that line. And for your words of comfort, too. It was cathartic to write, like I was hoping it would be.
Frelle, I feel your pain and anguish. Your words weaved so beautifully, yet so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. *hugs*
Thank you for letting me know how it felt, and for your sweet words this morning. *HUG*
Very beautifully written.
thank you for reading and commenting, and for the compliment
I hate that you felt that kind of pain today, this week, recently. I can feel it with you, that point where you must stem and leave that bathroom and return to the world that might not understand the tears. Please know I don’t want you to feel this pain for whatever reason. You are stronger than the hurt.
the words here were so vivid, the work good….please feel better.
Thank you, Kir. I know it’s relatable. It’s just something I never share with anyone. It’s more about shame from the breaking down itself than it is about not wanting to appear weak to others, though. But sharing it here is a step in the direction of sharing it in person, and that’s got to come someday. I’ll make sure today is a better day. *HUG*
This was so personal and so honest – sometimes the personal things we publish are the most powerful and meaningful. *hugs* to you and thank you for being so brave!
Thank you so much for your sweet words and for coming by to read and comment. *HUGS*
Beautifully worded. Real and raw. Sending you hugs.
Thank you, Andrea! *HUG*
Wow, I’ve been there. Very well expressed.
Im glad you came by to read and comment. Knowing you can relate is important.
The fear and anguish came through. I especially liked it done as a poem
Thank you for your comment and for coming to read. I naturally gravitate toward free verse poetry, not sure why I find that the best way to vent emotion. Thanks for letting me know that fear came though. It was there with the anguish.
The pain of that moment seeps into your words. So sorry you have felt that way and I hope you have better days ahead. Very well written.
Thank you for coming to read and comment! I appreciate your sweet words.
wow, i defintely feel the pain. i’m so sorry that you’re in pain today!
Thank you for letting me know how it made you feel, and for your sweet words to me, and for coming to read and comment.
You know when you see a prompt and say “oh, so and so is going to friggin nail this.”? Yeah that what I said to myself about you when I saw write on edge’s prompt.
Wonderful imagery and very powerful language. I enjoyed all of the emotions you invoked.
Great job
Thank you, Lance. I love that you thought that about me when you saw that prompt, that’s a great compliment. And thanks for the validation about my writing. Always grateful.
This was really powerful. I am sorry you have to deal with pain like that. I know what it feels like and it really sucks.
Thank you for reading and commenting. It does suck. But it won’t keep going like this. There will be strength and sunshine again. I have hope.
I honestly don’t know what to say to this. It’s beautiful, in a tragic way. The pain is so vivid and raw, and yet there is something redemptive about it.
thank you for coming by to read and comment, and for finding redeptiveness in it. I love to hear what hits people and how words make them feel.
Congratulations on hitting publish. It shows strength and courage.
I’m sorry that this was your day and hope that it gets better.
Hugs.
Thank you!
what vivid descriptions.
I hope your day turns around for the better. ((hugs))
Thank you for coming by to read and comment!
It’s funny how the most beautiful creations emerge from pain…
I sure hope I can make beauty from the pain. I try. I have to express it, and be creative and brave. I appreciate your words.
Vivid. Moving. Sad.
Excellent job with the prompt.
Thank you, Tonya!
Painfully beautiful. Hugs, my friend.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
We all have days like this. Most of us will never tell about it though. I have been there, felt that pain, stifled the cries, wiped the tears, and got up. Super human strength lies within. Kudos to you for writing in a way we could conjure up the image, pause for reflection, and especially for you to hit publish.
Thank you so much for your sweet words and letting me know you have felt this too. I’m enjoying getting to know you.
I so know those stolen tears hidden from others..thank you for not hiding them here.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Dafeenah. I love when you come by. I know you understand deep pain, the kinship has been there since the first time we read each others blogs. Thank you for the validation and the encouragement.
You painted this pain so precisely. I hope things are better now, later. I hope writing it helped contain it.
Love to you. and hugs.
Thank you, Renee! It was good to write. I didn’t talk to anyone about how I was feeling that day, and this was the result of not talking.. creative expression. Thanks for the love and hugs
I’m so sorry you have such pain in your heart. You have a great talent at expressing it so simply, yet perfectly. This is deeply emotive. I hope your mood/situation improves soon. Hugs. Shah. X
Thank you for coming by to read and comment, for your compliments, wishes, and encouragement, too. Hugs to you too.
raw and brave, jenna.
sharing pain is always difficult. I hope it was rewarding for you as well.
Thank you so much. It was rewarding to express it, but scary to see the words out here at the same time.
I can’t imagine living with this pain…but your description conjured it up for me. I am sorry you live with this. Hoping you find relief from this.
Thank you for your sweet words and for reading and commenting.
I could completely feel your pain. I’m so sorry. Hang in there, friend.
Thank you for your sweet words, and for coming by to read and comment. Also for telling me how it made you feel.
Heartrending. Haunting. Intense…and how is it that you’ve written pain in such a beautiful way? Superb. (and I hope this pain is a part of your past but if not I wish you well).
Thank you so much for coming to read and comment! I remember visiting your blog a while ago, and I had spotlighted your post on my old blog. So glad to have connected. And I appreciate your sweet words. Thank you.
It definitely needed to be written, and you did it so well. So brave for sharing so that we have a sense of what you are going through! xoxox
Thank you for your encouragement, I appreciate the support you’ve given me here, helping me to keep being brave.
Wowsers! Great description of emotion! Well done!
thank you!
Your words captured the pain and anguish of the moment. I felt it. Very well written.
Thank you for coming to read and comment, and to let me know that my words captured it well.
I am awed by your rawness and ability to put into words an emotion that tries to hold you captive. It is so scary to let others in, but hopefully you can see from all of these comments that you MATTER and that you are LOVED and SUPPORTED and APPRECIATED. I truly hope that tomorrow is a better day.
Thank you so much for your sweet words. They make a difference, and Im so grateful you came to read.
This was beautifully written. It showed the pain and heart ache you went through. I’m so sorry this was your today. If you ever need to talk, please, I’m here.
Thank you for your sweet words, and for your willingness to listen. I appreciate that so much.
You managed to veil pain with beauty in these hundred words. Thank you for sharing what’s so hard to say aloud.
Thank you so much for the compliment and for coming to read. I wanted to make something creative out of the pain, and Im grateful to know I was successful.
Visceral! I could feel the dam breaking, even though you fought valiantly to keep it intact. I hope at least it was cathartic?
The writing was more cathartic than the crying. That release is never cathartic. Maybe my body and my stress level feel better, but my heart never does. Thank you for letting me know what you thought of the poem, I love when you come to read!
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Wow. Just wow. This reminds me of that quote about how writing is so easy…you just sit down at a typewriter and open a vein. This was raw, revealing, vulnerable. Beautifully written, even as it tore my heart out. I’m so sorry about the emotions that led to these words.
This part:
my fingernails gouging half moons into my palms
So vivid. I could almost feel my own fingernails gouging into my palms.
Incredible writing, really. Thanks for linking up!
Thank you so much for these sweet words and for letting me know how reading it made you feel. *HUG*
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