Your Fault

Damn unrelenting ache in my soul
My constant companion

Because of you,
I can’t face being exposed beyond the shadows

New shreds are rent
From my battle-scarred heart
Old pain forced down deeper.

I am the walking wounded.

Raw.
Scarred.
Imprisoned.
Alone

YouTube Preview Image

Linking up with

Trifecta blog banner3 current

 

prompt: a literary apostrophe, in 33 words. Definition of a literary apostrophe: “A figure of speech in which some absent or nonexistent person or thing is addressed as if present and capable of understanding.”

Author’s Note: These words are written on behalf of another, in an attempt to accurately express how years of pain and anguish, and repeated validations of reasons to fear and not trust others can keep someone from the connection they desperately want. In time, I hope he has healed, and has found solace, respite, comfort, and security.

Twisted Mixtape Tuesday- The Beautiful Edition

twistedmixtape

 

This week, Jen at My Skewed View asked us to make a mixtape of songs we think are beautiful.  Hope you enjoy my little list.

Chris Mann – Because We Believe.  I love this video not only because his voice is beautiful, but because he speaks so transparently about his voice and being true to himself by singing the way his voice was made rather than trying to fit himself into popular music.

YouTube Preview Image

Civil Wars – Poison and Wine. Partly because of the idea behind the song; the lyrics are very sad.  Also, their harmony is breathtaking.

YouTube Preview Image

George Winston – Colors/Dance.  This has been my very favorite song since I heard it in 1992. Its ten minutes long but its so worth listening to.

YouTube Preview Image

George Winston – Longing/Love.  Off the same album as the previous song, another really pretty one.

YouTube Preview Image

Caoineadh Na Mara (Lament of the Sea ) – Mary McLaughlin.  I own the CD Celtic Requiem and this is the first song. I think it’s just stunning.

YouTube Preview Image

Come Back Home – Matthew Mayfield. I am absolutely in love with this man’s voice.

YouTube Preview Image

Element – Matthew Mayfield.  More from him. Swoon.

YouTube Preview Image

Pass Me Not O Gentle Savior – Red Mountain Church.  I love the words, music, and harmonies in this one. I often sing along with the alto part.

YouTube Preview Image

Creed – Rich Mullins. A really pretty treatment of the Apostle’s Creed prayer.

YouTube Preview Image

Forte from America’s Got Talent – Pie Jesu.  Wow.  WOW. Great story and amazing harmony. Chills.

YouTube Preview Image

Amazing Grace – Il Divo. Separately they have wonderful voices. After the bagpipe solo when they all come in full voice?  Tears. Can’t even deal with how awesome their voices sound together.

YouTube Preview Image

What songs do you think are beautiful?  I’d love for you to link me!

 

To Make This Right

Liam’s eyes struggled to focus on the road as Caera’s words echoed inside his head:

“I’m done being told that its my fault you’re yellin at me. I love you, Liam. But get it under control or we’re finished.”

He’d left her place feeling rejected, misunderstood, and filled with rage at her ultimatum. But as he thought more about his words and actions toward her recently, the anger was fading into shame.

When he’d come over after work on Wednesday, she had been preoccupied. He was stressed out and needed comfort from her, and he’d lashed out in response to her seeming distant. He realized that he’d pushed her further away when what he wanted was to feel closer to her her. That feeling of being needy repulsed him, and when she hadn’t picked up on the fact that he was upset, he took it out on her.

And that was a pattern that had repeated itself many times over the course of the last few months. Suddenly it was so clear to him.

His vision began to swim and he swiped at his eyes. He couldn’t lose her, after everything they had been through. She had always accepted his Irish temper as part of who he was, as he had accepted hers. But she wasn’t in the habit of blaming him for her fury, and suddenly he realized that was a way they were very different.

The highway was nearly empty, as close as it was to midnight. Liam picked up his cell phone and called her. When she didn’t pick up, he fought the urge to hang up.

Hey Caera. I love you. I’ve been thinking about what you said. You’re right. We both have Irish tempers and get angry, but I get it now that you handle being mad differently than I do. Better than I do. You deserve more from me than I’ve been giving lately, and I feel awful. Please call me back. I need to hear your voice. I love you.”

He put the phone down and sighed deeply, hoping that she would listen and be willing to make things right before he got all the way home.

YouTube Preview Image

Linking up with

S30PBadge

 

prompt: needy

Author’s Note:  This scene happens sometime after Those Three Words, and is further into Liam and Caera’s dating relationship.

Twisted Mixtape Tuesday: Best of Snow Patrol

twistedmixtape

Snow Patrol is an an alternative rock band from Ireland. I love their sound, and I love the depth and raw, emotional lyrics that the lead singer writes. Their music propels a lot of my fiction story about Liam and Caera, and I imagine Liam being a fan of their music. In fact, the lyrics for “Please Just Take These Photos From My Hands” directly inspired the scene The Opened Box in their story.

Formed at the University of Dundee where the lead singer was a student, Snow Patrol went through several changes in lineup during their early years. They put out several commercially unsuccessful albums as an indie band, but were locally recognized.  I don’t care much for their early stuff, but a lot of diehard fans think its awesome.

Their 2003 album Final Straw gave them national recognition, containing three of my favorite songs:

Chasing Cars, which was featured on Grey’s Anatomy in thier season finale in May of 2006

YouTube Preview Image

Run

YouTube Preview Image

Spitting Games

YouTube Preview Image

Their next few albums, Eyes Open and Hundred Million Suns, both provided significant commercial success as well as international recognition. Snow Patrol was nominated for both a Grammy award and a Brit Award in 2007, and they opened for Coldplay as well as U2 on their tours in the summer of 2009. Both Bono and Michael Stipe have mentioned being fans, which is great endorsement!  Over the course of their career, Snow Patrol has sold more than ten million albums worldwide.

Eyes Open 

You’re All I Have

YouTube Preview Image

Set The Fire To The Third Bar

YouTube Preview Image

Shut Your Eyes

YouTube Preview Image

In My Arms  bonus track

YouTube Preview Image

Warmer Climate  bonus track

YouTube Preview Image

 

Signal Fire 2007 made for Spider Man 3

YouTube Preview Image

 

Hundred Million Suns

 

What If This Storm Ends

YouTube Preview Image

Planets Bend Between Us

YouTube Preview Image

If There’s A Rocket Tie Me To It

YouTube Preview Image

Please Just Take These Photos From My Hands

YouTube Preview Image

 

Up To Now – 2009

Just Say Yes

YouTube Preview Image

Give Me Strength

YouTube Preview Image

 

Fallen Empires

I’ll Never Let Go

YouTube Preview Image

The current lineup in the band:

Gary Lightbody (lead vocals,guitar)

Jonny Quinn (drums)

Nathan Connolly (guitar, background vocals)

Paul Wilson (bass guitar, background vocals)

Johnny McDaid (keyboard, guitar, background vocals)

They put out a greatest hits album earlier this year and plan to make a movie similar in scope to U2’s Rattle and Hum sometime in the future. They are definitely a band to watch, as their development has been steady and their lyrics continue to be meaningful and inspiring.  I hope you enjoyed the mixtape!  Let me know if you’d already heard of them or if you found a favorite in their music.

 

 

 

Not So Fragile

a monarch on mums

beautiful lady

appears fragile, replete with

strength, endurance, grace

YouTube Preview Image

linking up with

Trifecta blog banner3 current

 

prompt: haiku

Author’s Note: I love butterflies and have some information to share about monarchs in particular: Business Insider:Fact about the Monarch Butterfly. One of my part time jobs is at a girl’s clothing store, and I hear the song I included every time I work. 

 

Reflection

Liam turned the key in the ignition and shut his lights off. Settling back against the seat, his mind wandered as the stereo continued to play.

“So this is how we are when we’re honest about how we feel, is it?” she’d murmured over dinner at Caffe PortoBello. He had reached over and taken her hand, “I’m always going to be honest about how I feel,” he’d replied. And he’d meant it.

Their first real honest-to-God date had gone amazingly well. He hadn’t wanted to ruin the pace of things by staying over at her apartment.

At least tonight.

 

YouTube Preview Image

 

Author’s Note:  Liam is back from Ireland for good this time, and he and Caera went out on their first official date after his return. He had called her in Good Morning, and had attended a bon voyage party in Ireland in A Beautiful Thing.  But I’ve written about their future together before… starting with Damn Words and following for about 6 connected scenes. I always knew they’d be together..

Twisted Mixtape Tuesday: Duet Edition

twistedmixtape

 

A playlist of my favorite duets

This is one of my favorite songs by the Indigo Girls -Secure Yourself

YouTube Preview Image

AKA Heart, as the Lovemongers – Battle of Evermore

YouTube Preview Image

Bono and B.B. King – Rattle and Hum – When Love Comes To Town

YouTube Preview Image

Love their chemistry here: Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix – Walk The Line

YouTube Preview Image

And the original of course.. Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash – Jackson

YouTube Preview Image

A great example of their style in general – The Civil Wars – Barton Hollow

YouTube Preview Image

Very rarely can a song make me cry. This one can do it every time. The Civil Wars – Poison and Wine

YouTube Preview Image

Just because it’s awesome: Neil Patrick Harris and Hugh Jackman – 2011 Tony Awards

LOVE this song and how their voices blend: Set The Fire To The Third Bar – Gary Lightbody and Martha Wainwright

YouTube Preview Image

Moses Mayfield – Element

YouTube Preview Image

Julie and Buddy Miller – Broken Things

YouTube Preview Image

The Carpenters – Close To You

YouTube Preview Image

This one is SO fun! Carrie Underwood and Steven Tyler – Walk This Way

YouTube Preview Image

It’s not a great example of either of their voices, really, and they didn’t release this on iTunes from the show, but I really liked it anyway: The Voice Season 3: Cassadee Pope and Terry McDermott – Little Talks

YouTube Preview Image

Terry and his coach rocking out and having a good time: The Voice Season 3: Terry McDermott and Blake Shelton – Dude Looks Like a Lady

YouTube Preview Image

 

And because Jen Kehl likes them. a whole playlist of my favorite Glee Duets!!

A Thousand Years – Jake and Marley

YouTube Preview Image

Faithfully – Finn and Rachel

YouTube Preview Image

Barely Breathing – Blaine and Finn

YouTube Preview Image

I Just Can’t Stop Loving You – Finn and Rachel

YouTube Preview Image

Dream On – Will and NPH!!

YouTube Preview Image

Just Cant Get Enough – Blaine and Kurt

YouTube Preview Image

 

Twisted Mixtape Tuesday – 2010 and beyond

twistedmixtape

 

This week’s Twisted Mixtape prompt invited us to share our favorite songs since 2010.

I actually do have fairly decent taste in music, but this post would certainly not reflect that. Let me explain.

I needed an infusion of happy music during the course of my separation and divorce, and this list certainly reveals that much about me.  My list is primarily straight up pop music, no accounting for actual artistry. It might have been collated by any random teenager based on the Billboard Top 100 for the last few years. I’m sure there has been really fantastic, meaningful music that’s come out since 2010.. but this is the playlist based on my perspective on life,  and songs that still get some decent rotation in my car, mostly based on emotional memories attached to them.

I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas.  It was the unofficial themesong of the 2010 Blissdom conference, one that inspired me to write this blog post, which is worth reading especially if you were there, or have attended any blog conference.

YouTube Preview Image

Fireflies – Owl City. I’ve been an Owl City fan since this song hit the airwaves, and enjoy sharing a love of Adam’s music with my kids.

YouTube Preview Image

Haven’t Met You Yet – Michael Buble. It made me feel hopeful that someone out there was listening to this song, hoping to meet me.

YouTube Preview Image

Party In The USA – Miley Cyrus. Not a fan of the song, but have great memories attached to doing a flashmob to it at the 2011 Blissdom conference:

YouTube Preview Image

Smile – Uncle Kracker. It’s just sweet.

YouTube Preview Image

Party Rock Anthem – LMFAO. It’s an infectious song, but the important component for me is that my two youngest children would bust out into a spontaneous dance party every time it came on that summer.

YouTube Preview Image

Firework – Katy Perry. The amazingly fantastic Blissdom conference made this song special for me because of the encouragement in their opening video in 2011, even though the lyrics are pretty corny.

YouTube Preview Image

Just The Way You Are – Bruno Mars (Skrillex remix).  Within minutes of reading some horrifically judgmental words written about me by my ex just prior to our separation, this song came on my car stereo. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

YouTube Preview Image

Stronger – Kelly Clarkson. Definitely a well timed anthem for me.

YouTube Preview Image

I’ve been a fan of the TV show Glee since it’s very first episode, and out of very many of their covers and original songs, these are my favorites.

A Thousand Years – Glee Cast Cover ( originally recorded by Christina Perri)

YouTube Preview Image

 

Light Up The World – Glee Cast

YouTube Preview Image

We Found Love – Glee Cast Cover (originally recorded by Rihanna)

YouTube Preview Image

What are your favorite songs from the last few years?  I’d love to know what songs have made a difference to you!

 

My Senior Prom

prom90

 

 

My sweet soul sister, SanDiegoMomma, put forth a prompt this week to find out more about my senior prom.

My date was my boyfriend at the time, and we had been going out since January of 1990. It was still a happy time in our relationship, and I remember enjoying prom, though it wasn’t a significant date for us.

My dress was handmade by a friend’s mom, and as you can see, pastels were still very popular in the spring of 1990.  Because I was feeling a little feisty, I had her make me a matching garter, and I wore that on my thigh under my dress that night.

My date borrowed his dad’s 1972 Buick Riviera to take me to prom, and it was a wonderful, luxurious, powerful car. We went to my favorite Italian restaurant for dinner, and then attended the dance, which was held at the Holiday Inn ballroom. The most popular deejay in town was spinning the tunes, and I remember that he kept the energy high all night long.  He deejayed every dance at my high school, and knew many of us seniors by name. Because I attended a Catholic high school, there were songs he wasn’t “allowed” to play there, and he did manage to rebel a little and play a few of those off-limits ones at prom.  One of the clearest memories I have was when the guys went totally wild when 2 Live Crew’s “Me So Horny” came booming through the speakers.

Because I love to dance, and so did my date, we stayed until the end of prom, and then went to an afterparty at a friend’s family’s cabin on the river. We stayed until sometime in the early hours, and then we went back to his parents’ house and crashed until almost noon. This was the first night I was allowed to spend with him, and unlike so many other stereotypical prom nights, my virtue remained intact afterward.

At least for a while.

I don’t remember the theme of my senior prom, or if there was a specific song that was designated as the official one. But here are the top ten songs from the spring of 1990:

Vogue – Madonna

YouTube Preview Image

I Don;t Wanna Fall In Love – Jane Child

YouTube Preview Image

Nothing Compares 2 U – Sinead O’Connor

YouTube Preview Image

Hold On – Wilson Phillips

YouTube Preview Image

What It Takes – Aerosmith

YouTube Preview Image

Poison – Bell Biv Devoe

YouTube Preview Image

Alright – Janet Jackson

YouTube Preview Image

It Must Have Been Love – Roxette

YouTube Preview Image

U Cant Touch This – MC Hammer

YouTube Preview Image

Here and Now – Luther Vandross

YouTube Preview Image

Little Black Dress

writeonedgeLBD
image courtesy of Dean McCoy Photography

“You’re sure you won’t come with us?” Caera begged him as Delaney pulled her away.

No, tonight Liam would much rather watch her on the dance floor in that new little black dress.

YouTube Preview Image

Linking up with

Trifecta blog banner3 current

 

prompt: 33 words including a color

Author’s Note: This scene takes place the same evening as Holding On To Feel The Same, during the fall of Liam’s freshman year at Boston College, before things go terribly awry.